Ask Lafeber

Question:

February 18, 2025

trouble with my conure


i have no idea how to make my bird love me more, i know i’m his favorite but i also want to be the person he’s most comfortable around, i don’t want him to be scared of my hands, and i want him to choose me over other people immediately, he’s not doing that and i can’t help but wonder if maybe i just allowed him to go to whoever he would start loving me more, but i also don’t want him to go and get attached to someone else, what can i do?


Answer:

Hi,

There is nothing you can do to make a bird like you or anyone in particular. You can’t make two birds like each other just because you put them together. Birds have their own free will, and they will show affection or attachment to whoever they choose. You can be kind and give the bird treats and the best care, and hopefully the bird will return your affections. But stressing over this and wanting the bird to only like you, or like you best, is something the bird can pick up on and can have the opposite effect. The important thing to remember when interacting with a pet bird is to never take anything the bird does personally. Conures are a parrot, and all parrots – even budgies & cockatiels – are wild, exotic species. Their behavior is based on instinct. They are not a domesticated species like a cat or dog. Their instinct is to have another bird as a companion. For lack of having another bird around, parrots will typically bond with people. But just as they would eventually choose one bird as a mate, they tend to choose one person to bond with. It is important that you only pet the bird on the head – do not pet him on his body because this is something only a mate can do. You should not encourage a mate bond with a pet bird, because this leads to the bird getting hormonal and frustrated that you aren’t another bird. Enjoy your conure and if he likes other people too, that’s good. You should not be jealous or feel like he is choosing someone else. You should be happy that he enjoys interacting with people.

Thank you for asking Lafeber,

Brenda

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