Ask Lafeber

Female cockatiel attacking male a lot

My bonded cockatiels used to get along decently together but now the female keeps attacking the male. I saw a similar post asking why the male was attacking the female, and it seemed like the answer was that they weren’t a compatible pair, but I want to make sure this is the same case since all the things I have read about a conflict between paired cockatiels is always the male being the aggressor, and besides they were originally getting along fairly well together? So my situation seems really unusual.

The two of them used to rub their heads together (bending them down and touching heads), but now they don’t, and because my dad actually spends so much time with them, the female is doing that head touching thing only with my dad now?? The male seems to get jealous and will sometimes bite my dad’s head, but the female gets angry if he does that and bites at him. I’m not sure they actually know how to properly groom each other, though they groom themselves regularly. The female has always been very dominant and always gets to eat first, drink first, select the best perch first, and when they fly around the house the male usually just follows the female. Lately, I’m not sure if it’s because the female wants to mate, but she has been stepping on HIS back a lot. I know she’s female because she doesn’t sing a lot and has spots under her wings and her tail, and the male will make heart wings and sing frequently. She is bigger than him, if that explains her domineering attitude. When they lately have been kept in the same cage at night, the female has bitten the male’s feet so badly we find he’s bleeding in the morning. We continuously separate them into their own two cages, and eventually allow them to return to each other, but she continues to attack him. At the same time, the male gets really concerned if she’s not in his line of sight, or if he can’t follow her when she flies somewhere, and panics a lot, screaming for her. I don’t understand — is the male bonded to the female, but the female isn’t bonded back? Is that possible?

Hi Annie,

What is going on here is pretty common – you have inadvertently created a confusing situation for these birds. A lot of people think their bird needs another bird as a companion. However, you are your bird’s companion. In the wild, they would only interact with flock members until they are old enough to bond with a mate. Once bonded with a mate, there is little to no physical contact with other flock members. Other adult birds are now rivals. So when you have a pet bird, you aren’t the mate, but you are a flock member. In fact, it is important that you do not send the wrong message to a pet bird. You should limit petting to the head and neck, because only a mate has contact with the body. With your birds, the female sounds like she is bonded with your dad. The two birds got along fine as younger birds, but hormones are now a factor. This is where the confusion comes in, for the birds and the humans. Why isn’t everyone getting along anymore? Hormones. The male isn’t particularly bonded with a person, but he is with the female. But she prefers humans at this point. If your goal was to breed them, then you would need to cut off all contact with them, other than to feed them or clean the cage. They wouldn’t be able to come out and interact with you anymore. And then maybe the female would settle down and bond with the male. But this means you lose her as a pet. If you want her to remain tame, then do not let them share a cage anymore. Birds that are caged together almost always bond eventually and stop being tame. Right now, she is favoring humans, which makes the male bird a rival and explains her behavior. But she is leaning towards bonding with the male, which is why she does get along with him at times and gets on his back, even though this isn’t the right move. LOL Basically you need to remove the confusion – she is either a pet, meaning less contact with the male, or she is a breeder, meaning no contact with humans. I would say go with pet, given her nature to dominate. I would be concerned for him, even with humans out of the equation, and I’d be afraid she wouldn’t take care of eggs or chicks.

We are actually offering a free webinar this Friday about avoiding hormonal behavior in pet birds.

Avian Vet Insider: Parrots & Hormones — Is It Time For “The Talk”?

Thank you for asking Lafeber,

Brenda